Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize