Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
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I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
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