Can i not drive my cunt home
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize