This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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