she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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