hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Randomize