Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize