I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Randomize