We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
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