So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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