so explain again why im purple
no
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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