So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
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My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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