Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Randomize