You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
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Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
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EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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