Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
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