My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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