my mouth tastes like poor choices
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
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the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
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Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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