I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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