i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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