did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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