Swine flu. Run for my life!
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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