1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
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She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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