She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize