maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
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She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
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