forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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