someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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