I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
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i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
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I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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