she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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