it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize