I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
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