Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am naked and annoyed.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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