You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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