I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
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Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
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Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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