my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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