I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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