Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
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Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
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The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
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