guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just went to clothing optional bar
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize