I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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