We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
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I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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