i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Operation Purity has been aborted
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
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