Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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