your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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