My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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