i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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