I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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