When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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