All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
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Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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