Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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