I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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