Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
this is an emotional support booty call
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
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