I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
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